TODAY IS. . .

GRADUATION ! :D

i cant believe how fast its gone by. well, since im not using my car right now, i know i wont be having a "OMG SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR!!!!" moment lol, which leads to no graduation dinner celebration at the end due to the restaurant being closed after the whole ordeal. haha.


seems like alota ppl are guna be there (my family) which is going to be more then my high school graduation. my biological father is actually going this time. & only cos i made him feel bad. sad. he didnt go to my high school graduation bcos i didnt PERSONALLY invite him. first of all, i didnt personally invite anyone. i txtd ppl & told them to tell other ppl. so i told my bro to tell him..and i did that this time too. my "father" was going to not come bcos he had plans and i shud txt him my brother said...i just said to tell him its his choice. and then he responds saying "fine hes comin nigga" ugh. lets see if he gives me money like im asking...

anyways! im so excited ! :) toodles

3 weeks 3 days.

so its been a couple of days i have been writing. my blog had sort of been shifting off topic bcos there wasnt too much of a difference in the way my burns were looking.

well, first i would like to say, I HAVE NEVER FELT SOOO FRESHHHH in MYLIFE!!! after 3 weeks and 3 days i took a full body shower!! my skin is pretty much closed up except two little areas in which i picked at :/ but i couldnt take it anymore! my hands were pealing like a banana!! you guys know our skin sheds right? & well, daily washing our hands and taking a shower flakes off the dead skin. . . but under these circumstances i couldnt do that, so my hand was getting darker then my left hand (not so much from being dirty cos i cleaned it with baby whipes) and my hand was getting dry. I would start pealing my skin off! everywhere. my foot looked gross, i tried keeping it clean with baby whipes but that just wasnt cutting it! my foot had never looked so dryyy, dirty & pealy! so i took a shower, and omg i took my time & ENJOYED it. you never realize how amazing showers are till you cant take a comfortable one for weeks!

okay so i started the disability process finally.....66$ a week -_____- thats pathetic. but trust me its still better then nothing. i use about 35$ a week for gas...my car insurance is 65$ a month...so that will prolly just be enough.

on cuter happier thoughts, my boyfriend has to be the most amazing boyfriend out there... i just love him. there are days when i have my doubts on how strong our relationship are, but days like friday is what proves that we are. I swear, that boy had got me mad (of course i blew it out of proportion) he ended up getting mad telling me he wasnt coming over, but then a few min later he POPPED UP!! just out of no where ... he walked in with his grumpy face & i couldnt help it but be thankful he swollowed his pride and came after all to surprise me, so i grabbed his hands and as i was going to kiss him he smiled and laughed <3 haha. we just needed to see each other...later on i thanked him for coming & he said "well i missed you too"..and then that night he spent the night & we camped out in my back yard in a tent! <3

ok so i havent posted any new pics even tho i have been taking them... i made some of them bigger so you can see the difference!

may 7th at the doctors..i have a bruse by my wrist bcos i had hitmyself really bad :(

may  11th in class :)

my foot  TODAY:( looks like the scar is guna be pretty dark..yes i even burned part of my toes :(

it has neosporin right now but that is TODAY :) looking better...

you can see the splatter marks from where the oil splattered on me! (today) 

once again. thank you for your prayers! <3

a thin line.

gosh, lately I feel like if im bi-polar. My emotions get the best of me at times. i have been really positive about my burns. . .but im also very down. i know in about maybe 2 weeks i wont have to wrap up my arm or foot anymore, and to be honest, i dont think im going to stop. i dont want this ugly looking skin being visible. if i was a guy , ok. but no, ima  girl. . .girls arnt suppose to have big scars. yea yea yea i heard it plenty of times im still beautiful. . .but how would u like being 20 years old young with a big ass scar? once im able to work, i dont want to go back to subway. who wants to get there sandwich made by a girl with an ugly scar all up her hand?? im just hoping and praying for the least scar possible... idk, im at home driving myself crazy. there is only so much to do at home. Actually, i am able to drive now. Unfortunately, i have a flat tire :/ LUCKILY, i was already going to get new tires for my bday anyways, so im just waiting for my mom to take me when she has time this week.

im listening to jimi hendrix right now, its very soothing. lately, i have been drifting away from the music that really soothes me. yes im a big R&B lover, but music that makes you look over the horizon and makes you look deeply into your soul, is what i love as well. today, while at the park with my parents, i waited in the car because it was way too cold. out of no where i heard a beautiful voice along with a beautiful soothing sound of a guitar. . .i kept looking around but couldn't tell where it was coming from. i finally look behind the car and there is a truck parked behind us, with a guy outside it playing . . . his voice was like jimi hendrix (hence the reason why im listening to jimi right now) so i open my door about an inch so i can hear him better. his voice echoed. i wish i would of been at the beach watching the sunset with that guy singing next to me to his girlfriend or something. never have i heard in person such beautiful talent. & trust me, i have heard some verrrry talented musicians. . .

mothers day.

i know my mom deserves more then one special day to show thanks. i feel real bad for not expressing myself to her more like i should. i dont know how it is to be a mother bcos i am not one, but i do know how it is to be a daughter. i am blessed to have  a mom to guide me thru life. i make my own decisions now that im getting older, but with the life skills she has taught me. although she may not agree with some, i do trust that i am smart enough to decide. but bcos i love her unconditionally it makes me feel so bad for not obeying every command. my mom has sacrificed so much for my brothers and I. no matter what, she is always has her arms open. No matter how big our fights are, no matter how i hurt her feelings , no matter how wrong we are, she stands with arms wide open. maybe its bcos she didnt have a mom like that, so she understands that as a daughter/son we NEED that. we need that ONE person in LIFE to always have our backs no matter what. she cant break up with us, she cant divorce us, she cant cheat on us....she is truly the meaning of RIDE OR DIE. she became a mom at 13 and hasnt stopped since. she has been beaten emotionally & physically but still succeeds  she never made it passed 8th grade bcos she only had herself, but after years or being TRULY on THE GRIND as a waitress, she went back to school, and proved everyone that no matter how bad life has knocked u down, YOU CAN get back up. some people let it break them and feel sorry, but nope , she used it to her  advantage. i hope one day i can be half as great of a mom as her. i love you mommy <3

a breath of fresh air.

:D


finally i was OUT of the house. i had a pretty good day with my mom & bf. momaa made booomb steak! today i finally wore some flats. i dont know why i didnt think of that before lol. I have gotten used to not using make up and i like it. i mean, not that i use alot anyways just for my chinky eyes. I was told i looked better without make up today :) <3

:( lakers lost again. but i have faith that we will be the first in history to come back if any team is to do it...its the LAKERS <3

10:30 and im laying in bed going to watch the 2 tinker bell movies :) my love is at home chillin w his friends. cant wait till tmrw, another day out. going to his aunts to watch the fight >.<  yay.

going crazy.

so its 5:30 and im breaking down in tears. doing shit all day has really taken a toll on me. im getting a headache from the heat, its not like i can go buy stuff for hobbies like making a quilt, considering i only have one hand that happens to be my bad hand. i cant go for a walk around the block bcos my foot will blow up. Im honestly going insane. a person can only watch tv, sleep and  be on fb for so long. its really unfair. Then i get so hot that i want to take off my dressings..just imagine, the HOTTEST day wearing a dressing about 2 inches thick around ur arm and foot. its like a sweater. I go to class again so mrs D can change my dressing for the night class to see, & im just cooounting down the seconds. time is going by soooo slooooooow. my bf says hes going to try to get a ride over here but that he cant promise me. so i dont even want to get excited about that. i already know hes not going to come see me this weekend because of the fact he was with me ALL weekend last week. he does need his space. i just want him to realize on his own that he has his space during the week, and i want him to put himself in my shoes...being ALONE all day booored, doing nothing. i look forward to the weekend to see him, and for him to say "i wana hang out w the guys today" it makes me feel bad for trying to tell him no, so i wont. i know he knows im going crazy and bored, he tries to understand the best he can, but no guy will ever understand a girl 100% .

13th Day.

So hungry....i want food.

OH HI! (:

so you wana know wut happened today eh? well, i went to class again to get my dressing changed. Mrs Denise is SOO happy at how good it is healing. She says its doing pretty good for the amount of days it has been. My foot is no longer infected as she says, but BOY does it hurt like a bitch. excuse my french! anyways, i am so thankful for her..shes such a sweetheart. She doesnt have to do anyyy of this for me and she does! i pay the stupid ghetto fabulous doctors to do a half ass job. dont get me wrong i have a few doctors there (well two) that i like and they do a decent job. Theyre really kind too. but driving all the way to watts is just a drag! its so funny cos she messes with me on how of a pain i am. lol, im used to that tho. like i told her, ever since kinder garden my report cards have said "pleasure to have in class, but often desrupts class." lol. 

today was so funny. my love stephanie & leslyn took me walking with them in the wheel chair haha. the guy at starbucks was nice, he looks about 24 the oldest. He told me how he burned himself when he was 19...2nd degree as well but worse, all over his arm and on his face and up his nose. he admitted he yelled. . .he had his face as if he knew how in pain i was. but it was very reassuring to see that he had no scars, i would have never guessed it. then we went back to class and messed w mrs D saying that they dropped me off the wheel chair lol. she believed it. haha. 

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE; i got a 100% on a 200 question final!! i was so happy. i almost didnt trust my instinct on one question bcos i read another answer that was almost the same so it thru me off, but i decided to go for my first choice cos they say always go for that. IM GLAD I DID. yayy! 

ok, im starving... cant ....concentrate .....i.....am.....HUNGRY!!!! ljfgkjelrjfigwiorghjwliefg piwtiueoi bye! :)

Such a Hectic day.

well once again I am reminded why i hate this health insurance issue we have here in california. Today i went to my appointment but couldnt do it bcos my check hadnt went in and i couldnt pay my 30$ deductable. so i went to urgent care because i thought i still had my FREE walk in since last week i paid 30$ there....but unfortunatly i didnt bcos i didnt pay the whole thing, so basically i was screwed. My dressing didnt even need to be changed since my teacher did it yesterday, this was for my disability. I had to get papers filled out by the doctor. Once i got to my bfs i was told that i didnt need to do all that i just had to get my doc papers i signed and show them to the disability office. ugh stressful.

on the bright side. today i had a lovely lunch at Johnny Ribs with my love <3 and he baught a HUUUGE bone for our Son and his "brother" (dogs lol)

im not really in the mood to write. ill add on later <3

pure bliss.

God must have sent his angels and heard my prayers because out of no where i got this AURA of HAPPINESS. Im just sitting here in such a happy mood. I am feeling so blessed and thankful. I feel love twords everyone especially those who love me. So happy i just want to cry, crazy huh? Thats how i know it was God. I smiled earlier and just said "Thank u father". ahhhh. i cant explain it. i just wana keep talking about it but theres nothing else to say :]


goodnight, although the 5 hour nap i took earlier prolly wont let me sleep. I would have prolly slept till the morning but momma woke me up to make sure i was Okay.

God bless everyone!

Day twelve.

well i just came back from class. my teacher cleaned my wounds again and she noticed that my foot was infected :( it hurt soooo much as she cleaned it. It litterally felt like she was cleaning it with needles. I couldnt help but cry, and that was that she was doing it extra carefully and gentle. I knew it hurt her hurting me, but "no pain no gain" as my uncle told me. and boy was he right about me knowing the real meaning of that. She recorded a video and took pictures so i will be posting them asap,

i like hearing random people tell me they are reading my blog. Its really nice to see people care enough to go out of the way to visit my web site. A medical coding teacher (ibelieve thats what she was) came in and told me that she showed her class and they used my pictures to look up the codes on my burns. Nice that i can help :]

well thanks for reading and keeping me in ur prayers. <3

releasing my thoughts.

haha well today was chill. babe had to leave me early unfortunately :( my hard working man had to work. so its back to my boring weeks of being confined in these white walls. my burns have been really hurting. im afraid that they are infected more then i think. i just want to heal up already! its so irritating. the fact that even when the skin heals im not going to be able to be out in the sun, sucks! i want this all over already. i have done my fair of suffering already.

anyways theres not much for me to write about other than its sooo funny how things turn out. i never really liked female friends, well at least not CLOSE ones. the one girl i finally had a bff relationship for over years finally reminded me why. i was always keeping my thoughts inside bcos i never wanted to hurt her feelings cos she has the tendency of taking things the wrong way and over exaggerating. well, during my whole "being burned" incident she didnt really show any feelings or concerns. so i finally decided to not care about her feelings and let everything i had bottled up inside, come out. the past year or so i have noticed that she became one of those friends who always had something negative to say. especially about my pictures..."u look real dark here" or "look at u with ur FAKE smile" like really???? common now. i always ignored it till now. so of course i knew she was going to take things the wrong way and instead of saying "im sorry i didnt know i hurt ur feelings im sorry i wasnt a good listener" and admitting that she just didnt TRY to come visit me, she deleted me off fb. haha. childish right? well now i know how important this friendship was.


anyways. tomorrow i will be a ginny pig again for the class,,, and hopefully i will take my final i have been procrastinating on. wish me luck! shooting for 100%