anothaaaa update. last and final.

well ill try to get a more recent scar. looks alot better then the "updated" one ..i think?

Update !

okay so i havent really updated my blog in a long time. many people have already seen my scar now and say it doesnt look so bad. to me it does, bcos i stare at it all the time. to me, it does look ugly :( it doesnt help that i have always had bad anxiety and i pick at my cuticles, or i shake my leg or im messing w my fingers, and now i keep messing with my scar :( so sometimes i keep opening little tiny areas. im too lazy to take a picture but i have  a picture from a few weeks ago wen i went to the club and i decided to take a picture so here ya go!

oh yes, ps if you dont know....i am now single :( its been a little over a month. but things are looking better between him and i. today is the 3rd day we've been cool...which is actually really good for us lol.. were guna work out our friendship again (thats the foundation of a good relationship) and we'll let our love play its roll. if its meant to be, we'll come back. thats my other half, so im sure. for now, im enjoying the single life, even tho its wayyy over rated!!

i wish i had a DADDY.

growing up i was never CLOSE to my dad. even now, i cant go to him to talk about personal things. my step dad raised me since i was about 2 years old. we used to be very close…but now he grows old & grumpy, and nothing EVER satisfies him. hes RUDE and OBNOXIOUS, and we are either always bumping heads, or walking past each other like strangers. i just watched that movie “preachers kid” , and it made me cry. Not so much bcos of the story behind the movie, but bcos i wish i had a DADDY<3 you know, be daddys lil girl…as much as i always say my daddy is my step dad, it truely is NOT the same. Once i have my first daughter, ima have so much pleasure in KNOWING she will be a daddys girl <3 (and mommies), but i just want that for her…in about 8 or 9 years from now that is lol.

its "sprinkling" ....still no rainbow.

havent been writing much. my life isnt that of a celebrity. haha. well, for those who are wondering how im doing. . .um, i guess im okay. i try to make my situation somewhat positive. i thank God everyday for not letting it be worse, because it could have been worse. I could have ended up with no hand! i could have burned my face.
Im not going to lie though, at times I get myself down. im always looking at my scar. thinking how ugly it is...and i cry. luckily, i am blessed with an amazing boyfriend who makes me look past that. The other day he almost made me cry because he grabbed my hand, looked at it, caressed it, and kissed my hand. Ok, now im crying lol. i didnt wana cry infront of him. He has matured so much, and it makes all the bs we have went thru as kids, vanish. now, thats not the only thing that gets me down though, parents can be tough. everyone who has DECENT parents know that. My step dad can be a jerk at times though. They tell me im not doing anything and i need to go to work already. i argue back at them...but it irritates me. Because, TRUST ME. i want to get to work. im only getting 66$ a week frm disability! and they send the money every other week. and on top of that the doctors stupid ass only put me on 2 weeks of dissability. and the first week i was down they dnt pay. so what, my first check wasw 120$ my next one was $103 ? how that happened? i have no fkin idea. and thats all im getting. my first check went to my over draw that was about 180$ 72$ was frm insurance, then the 32$ frm the over draft, then the extended over draft fee. i used 20$ of the first check to myself. the next check went to my insurance again. and now im left with 30$  i was hoping i would be able to use that for myself for an enjoyable weekend. but i wont be getting dissability so ill try to save that 30$ and see if my mom can help me with the rest for my insurance. its just sooo stressful. i cant even drive anywhere for peace, because i still dont have my tires. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, thats how im doing. im still trying to keep positive though, i try not to think of it, but my parents are always there to remind me..but theres not much i can do. i cant go back to work even though i feel i can ...because part of my job at subway is to wash dishes meaning dipping my hands in soup and sanatizer for a long period of time, cutting things with my hand (which my hand is actually still sensitive...) man, people who rob banks must be people like me....in a situation where they just CANT fix for a while and cant take it...

TODAY IS. . .

GRADUATION ! :D

i cant believe how fast its gone by. well, since im not using my car right now, i know i wont be having a "OMG SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR!!!!" moment lol, which leads to no graduation dinner celebration at the end due to the restaurant being closed after the whole ordeal. haha.


seems like alota ppl are guna be there (my family) which is going to be more then my high school graduation. my biological father is actually going this time. & only cos i made him feel bad. sad. he didnt go to my high school graduation bcos i didnt PERSONALLY invite him. first of all, i didnt personally invite anyone. i txtd ppl & told them to tell other ppl. so i told my bro to tell him..and i did that this time too. my "father" was going to not come bcos he had plans and i shud txt him my brother said...i just said to tell him its his choice. and then he responds saying "fine hes comin nigga" ugh. lets see if he gives me money like im asking...

anyways! im so excited ! :) toodles

3 weeks 3 days.

so its been a couple of days i have been writing. my blog had sort of been shifting off topic bcos there wasnt too much of a difference in the way my burns were looking.

well, first i would like to say, I HAVE NEVER FELT SOOO FRESHHHH in MYLIFE!!! after 3 weeks and 3 days i took a full body shower!! my skin is pretty much closed up except two little areas in which i picked at :/ but i couldnt take it anymore! my hands were pealing like a banana!! you guys know our skin sheds right? & well, daily washing our hands and taking a shower flakes off the dead skin. . . but under these circumstances i couldnt do that, so my hand was getting darker then my left hand (not so much from being dirty cos i cleaned it with baby whipes) and my hand was getting dry. I would start pealing my skin off! everywhere. my foot looked gross, i tried keeping it clean with baby whipes but that just wasnt cutting it! my foot had never looked so dryyy, dirty & pealy! so i took a shower, and omg i took my time & ENJOYED it. you never realize how amazing showers are till you cant take a comfortable one for weeks!

okay so i started the disability process finally.....66$ a week -_____- thats pathetic. but trust me its still better then nothing. i use about 35$ a week for gas...my car insurance is 65$ a month...so that will prolly just be enough.

on cuter happier thoughts, my boyfriend has to be the most amazing boyfriend out there... i just love him. there are days when i have my doubts on how strong our relationship are, but days like friday is what proves that we are. I swear, that boy had got me mad (of course i blew it out of proportion) he ended up getting mad telling me he wasnt coming over, but then a few min later he POPPED UP!! just out of no where ... he walked in with his grumpy face & i couldnt help it but be thankful he swollowed his pride and came after all to surprise me, so i grabbed his hands and as i was going to kiss him he smiled and laughed <3 haha. we just needed to see each other...later on i thanked him for coming & he said "well i missed you too"..and then that night he spent the night & we camped out in my back yard in a tent! <3

ok so i havent posted any new pics even tho i have been taking them... i made some of them bigger so you can see the difference!

may 7th at the doctors..i have a bruse by my wrist bcos i had hitmyself really bad :(

may  11th in class :)

my foot  TODAY:( looks like the scar is guna be pretty dark..yes i even burned part of my toes :(

it has neosporin right now but that is TODAY :) looking better...

you can see the splatter marks from where the oil splattered on me! (today) 

once again. thank you for your prayers! <3

a thin line.

gosh, lately I feel like if im bi-polar. My emotions get the best of me at times. i have been really positive about my burns. . .but im also very down. i know in about maybe 2 weeks i wont have to wrap up my arm or foot anymore, and to be honest, i dont think im going to stop. i dont want this ugly looking skin being visible. if i was a guy , ok. but no, ima  girl. . .girls arnt suppose to have big scars. yea yea yea i heard it plenty of times im still beautiful. . .but how would u like being 20 years old young with a big ass scar? once im able to work, i dont want to go back to subway. who wants to get there sandwich made by a girl with an ugly scar all up her hand?? im just hoping and praying for the least scar possible... idk, im at home driving myself crazy. there is only so much to do at home. Actually, i am able to drive now. Unfortunately, i have a flat tire :/ LUCKILY, i was already going to get new tires for my bday anyways, so im just waiting for my mom to take me when she has time this week.

im listening to jimi hendrix right now, its very soothing. lately, i have been drifting away from the music that really soothes me. yes im a big R&B lover, but music that makes you look over the horizon and makes you look deeply into your soul, is what i love as well. today, while at the park with my parents, i waited in the car because it was way too cold. out of no where i heard a beautiful voice along with a beautiful soothing sound of a guitar. . .i kept looking around but couldn't tell where it was coming from. i finally look behind the car and there is a truck parked behind us, with a guy outside it playing . . . his voice was like jimi hendrix (hence the reason why im listening to jimi right now) so i open my door about an inch so i can hear him better. his voice echoed. i wish i would of been at the beach watching the sunset with that guy singing next to me to his girlfriend or something. never have i heard in person such beautiful talent. & trust me, i have heard some verrrry talented musicians. . .

mothers day.

i know my mom deserves more then one special day to show thanks. i feel real bad for not expressing myself to her more like i should. i dont know how it is to be a mother bcos i am not one, but i do know how it is to be a daughter. i am blessed to have  a mom to guide me thru life. i make my own decisions now that im getting older, but with the life skills she has taught me. although she may not agree with some, i do trust that i am smart enough to decide. but bcos i love her unconditionally it makes me feel so bad for not obeying every command. my mom has sacrificed so much for my brothers and I. no matter what, she is always has her arms open. No matter how big our fights are, no matter how i hurt her feelings , no matter how wrong we are, she stands with arms wide open. maybe its bcos she didnt have a mom like that, so she understands that as a daughter/son we NEED that. we need that ONE person in LIFE to always have our backs no matter what. she cant break up with us, she cant divorce us, she cant cheat on us....she is truly the meaning of RIDE OR DIE. she became a mom at 13 and hasnt stopped since. she has been beaten emotionally & physically but still succeeds  she never made it passed 8th grade bcos she only had herself, but after years or being TRULY on THE GRIND as a waitress, she went back to school, and proved everyone that no matter how bad life has knocked u down, YOU CAN get back up. some people let it break them and feel sorry, but nope , she used it to her  advantage. i hope one day i can be half as great of a mom as her. i love you mommy <3

a breath of fresh air.

:D


finally i was OUT of the house. i had a pretty good day with my mom & bf. momaa made booomb steak! today i finally wore some flats. i dont know why i didnt think of that before lol. I have gotten used to not using make up and i like it. i mean, not that i use alot anyways just for my chinky eyes. I was told i looked better without make up today :) <3

:( lakers lost again. but i have faith that we will be the first in history to come back if any team is to do it...its the LAKERS <3

10:30 and im laying in bed going to watch the 2 tinker bell movies :) my love is at home chillin w his friends. cant wait till tmrw, another day out. going to his aunts to watch the fight >.<  yay.

going crazy.

so its 5:30 and im breaking down in tears. doing shit all day has really taken a toll on me. im getting a headache from the heat, its not like i can go buy stuff for hobbies like making a quilt, considering i only have one hand that happens to be my bad hand. i cant go for a walk around the block bcos my foot will blow up. Im honestly going insane. a person can only watch tv, sleep and  be on fb for so long. its really unfair. Then i get so hot that i want to take off my dressings..just imagine, the HOTTEST day wearing a dressing about 2 inches thick around ur arm and foot. its like a sweater. I go to class again so mrs D can change my dressing for the night class to see, & im just cooounting down the seconds. time is going by soooo slooooooow. my bf says hes going to try to get a ride over here but that he cant promise me. so i dont even want to get excited about that. i already know hes not going to come see me this weekend because of the fact he was with me ALL weekend last week. he does need his space. i just want him to realize on his own that he has his space during the week, and i want him to put himself in my shoes...being ALONE all day booored, doing nothing. i look forward to the weekend to see him, and for him to say "i wana hang out w the guys today" it makes me feel bad for trying to tell him no, so i wont. i know he knows im going crazy and bored, he tries to understand the best he can, but no guy will ever understand a girl 100% .

13th Day.

So hungry....i want food.

OH HI! (:

so you wana know wut happened today eh? well, i went to class again to get my dressing changed. Mrs Denise is SOO happy at how good it is healing. She says its doing pretty good for the amount of days it has been. My foot is no longer infected as she says, but BOY does it hurt like a bitch. excuse my french! anyways, i am so thankful for her..shes such a sweetheart. She doesnt have to do anyyy of this for me and she does! i pay the stupid ghetto fabulous doctors to do a half ass job. dont get me wrong i have a few doctors there (well two) that i like and they do a decent job. Theyre really kind too. but driving all the way to watts is just a drag! its so funny cos she messes with me on how of a pain i am. lol, im used to that tho. like i told her, ever since kinder garden my report cards have said "pleasure to have in class, but often desrupts class." lol. 

today was so funny. my love stephanie & leslyn took me walking with them in the wheel chair haha. the guy at starbucks was nice, he looks about 24 the oldest. He told me how he burned himself when he was 19...2nd degree as well but worse, all over his arm and on his face and up his nose. he admitted he yelled. . .he had his face as if he knew how in pain i was. but it was very reassuring to see that he had no scars, i would have never guessed it. then we went back to class and messed w mrs D saying that they dropped me off the wheel chair lol. she believed it. haha. 

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE; i got a 100% on a 200 question final!! i was so happy. i almost didnt trust my instinct on one question bcos i read another answer that was almost the same so it thru me off, but i decided to go for my first choice cos they say always go for that. IM GLAD I DID. yayy! 

ok, im starving... cant ....concentrate .....i.....am.....HUNGRY!!!! ljfgkjelrjfigwiorghjwliefg piwtiueoi bye! :)

Such a Hectic day.

well once again I am reminded why i hate this health insurance issue we have here in california. Today i went to my appointment but couldnt do it bcos my check hadnt went in and i couldnt pay my 30$ deductable. so i went to urgent care because i thought i still had my FREE walk in since last week i paid 30$ there....but unfortunatly i didnt bcos i didnt pay the whole thing, so basically i was screwed. My dressing didnt even need to be changed since my teacher did it yesterday, this was for my disability. I had to get papers filled out by the doctor. Once i got to my bfs i was told that i didnt need to do all that i just had to get my doc papers i signed and show them to the disability office. ugh stressful.

on the bright side. today i had a lovely lunch at Johnny Ribs with my love <3 and he baught a HUUUGE bone for our Son and his "brother" (dogs lol)

im not really in the mood to write. ill add on later <3

pure bliss.

God must have sent his angels and heard my prayers because out of no where i got this AURA of HAPPINESS. Im just sitting here in such a happy mood. I am feeling so blessed and thankful. I feel love twords everyone especially those who love me. So happy i just want to cry, crazy huh? Thats how i know it was God. I smiled earlier and just said "Thank u father". ahhhh. i cant explain it. i just wana keep talking about it but theres nothing else to say :]


goodnight, although the 5 hour nap i took earlier prolly wont let me sleep. I would have prolly slept till the morning but momma woke me up to make sure i was Okay.

God bless everyone!

Day twelve.

well i just came back from class. my teacher cleaned my wounds again and she noticed that my foot was infected :( it hurt soooo much as she cleaned it. It litterally felt like she was cleaning it with needles. I couldnt help but cry, and that was that she was doing it extra carefully and gentle. I knew it hurt her hurting me, but "no pain no gain" as my uncle told me. and boy was he right about me knowing the real meaning of that. She recorded a video and took pictures so i will be posting them asap,

i like hearing random people tell me they are reading my blog. Its really nice to see people care enough to go out of the way to visit my web site. A medical coding teacher (ibelieve thats what she was) came in and told me that she showed her class and they used my pictures to look up the codes on my burns. Nice that i can help :]

well thanks for reading and keeping me in ur prayers. <3

releasing my thoughts.

haha well today was chill. babe had to leave me early unfortunately :( my hard working man had to work. so its back to my boring weeks of being confined in these white walls. my burns have been really hurting. im afraid that they are infected more then i think. i just want to heal up already! its so irritating. the fact that even when the skin heals im not going to be able to be out in the sun, sucks! i want this all over already. i have done my fair of suffering already.

anyways theres not much for me to write about other than its sooo funny how things turn out. i never really liked female friends, well at least not CLOSE ones. the one girl i finally had a bff relationship for over years finally reminded me why. i was always keeping my thoughts inside bcos i never wanted to hurt her feelings cos she has the tendency of taking things the wrong way and over exaggerating. well, during my whole "being burned" incident she didnt really show any feelings or concerns. so i finally decided to not care about her feelings and let everything i had bottled up inside, come out. the past year or so i have noticed that she became one of those friends who always had something negative to say. especially about my pictures..."u look real dark here" or "look at u with ur FAKE smile" like really???? common now. i always ignored it till now. so of course i knew she was going to take things the wrong way and instead of saying "im sorry i didnt know i hurt ur feelings im sorry i wasnt a good listener" and admitting that she just didnt TRY to come visit me, she deleted me off fb. haha. childish right? well now i know how important this friendship was.


anyways. tomorrow i will be a ginny pig again for the class,,, and hopefully i will take my final i have been procrastinating on. wish me luck! shooting for 100%

pretty decent day.

i almost forgot to blog today ! :]] well i have no updated pictures. didnt take any because its not much different yet. I think it is slightly infected :( kinda scary actually. staff infection is real common in severe burns and staff infection is sometimes rarely fatal. So im just taking the antibiotics that the doc perscribed to me.

anyways today wasnt anything crazy. my love and i just watched movies and stuff. i suggested playing "speed" the card game but umm, he reminded me i cant play cards with one hand lol...

today he made breakfast <3 and we ate in the backyard on my little table.

 well its 9:30 and we have two friends over right now. were out in the backyard chillin with the music. and theyre crackin jokes on him about how he is with me...apparently he was more of a manwhore then i thought wen were we seperated for a yr nd a half lol...well, he cant be one anymore and he knows it. This is it, were at our best and if he decides he wants to mess it up then thats it. But im not worried about that at all :]] he loves me veryy much. not many bf's these days wud stick by ...

today i realized who has my back and will do anything for me... God mom and my better half. those are the main three. then i have the ones who are there for me like the rest of my family..i have a good friend raelynn who is always one call away..and recently a few others that i didnt coinsider "close" but since this accident happened, they have showed LOVE and because of that, they moved up in my chain and i will be there for them as well...and i see you ;) BUUUT i also realized who DOESNT have my back that i thought were close. one being my "bestfriend" sadly i was given excused like not having a ride to get here. funny cos i see her go everywhere else easily and if it was me, i would of found a way ;) but i guess thats me. always being there for the ppl i care. one thing i hope she doesnt try doing is not letting me baptize her daughter...i grew to LOOOVE that little girl.....

our breakfast set up <3

My Prince charming. My better half. My Backbone.

i just want to let the world know just HOW much i love him. im looking at him right now freshly out the shower and i see the boy i fell in love with at the age 14. crazy huh? tonight i really feel like i can see us getting happily married <3 and if we get old, now i can see how we are going to be lol...me being crippled. i truely know i have a keeper....it almost makes me want to cry. hes changed so much in a positive way. anyways, we borrowed a few movies from the lovely margarette and so tonight is a movie night. im trying to type really fast....i got used to typing fast again lol... tmrw ill see if he wants to do his guest blog post hehe. okie dokie. have fun on ur wild friday night. mines going to be perfect <3

ps hope my family is having extra fun. i have a feeling my mom made it happen just so i can have this weekend with my love. she put him IN CHARGE lol....oh god, i wonder how much hes going to take that to his head. haha. goodnight <3

Day Nine.

Well its 7am of day nine. . .a week and a day since the accident ? well i just got done getting ready for the docs. although a baggy dodger shirt of my moms and sweats and my moms purple snookie sandals arnt really "getting ready" but i guess thats my way of getting "dolled up" for the next few weeks or so lol. . .

i didnt get to add on my last post how my "birthday" ended, but it ended pretty ok i guess :]] mom baught me a CUUUTE silver coach purse and a very cute summer dress, i wont be able to wear cute sandals with it for a while tho :[ i guess snookie slippers is what ill be rocking. so if any of you want to get me new pairs other then PURPLE be my guest ;] then my amazing butthead boyfriend came,im assuming after the laker game although he doesnt want to admit it lol its ok ill let him slide cos he got me my PINK hookah set ive been wanting. its short just like me ;] a lil tabacco this weekend will do me good . haha. its not that much tabacco so dont judge! then me and my other half watched "Tron"? some disney movie....kinda didnt make sense but its ok i liked it over all <3 after the movie my love and i laid in bed and joked around and conversated. and then we fell asleep. 

well i better get going. ill post updated pictures later. if the stupid nurse lets me :/

10pm -ok so let me say....if you have good insurance, TAKE ADVANTAGE!!! i hate having different doctors when i go in. this doctor SUCKED. i found myself and joseph re-doing the dressing at home..let me say we did a damn good job!!.first she made me dip my hand in peroxide, which i dont think is good for burned..then she wasnt going to give me Adeptic pads (pads to put on the burns that dont stick when u take off) ..she said "no sorry we cant supply those to u forever" -bitch i know ! luckily the nice guy doing his clinicals sneeked me some because me and joe were being cool with him...everyone knows me there as the burned victim lol... how sad.

ok so ill post the pics... but im going to add a post to end my night cos its so important it needs its OWN post...oh and possibly a host blog tmrw frm yours truely joseph hernandez <3 my MAN.

so this was after taking off rap...before being cleaned. ouch :/

idk if u guys can see any difference... but idont. . .

some of my skin they pulled off. GROOOSSS lol

PS i just want to thank everyone who has been reading my blog. i didnt know so many different ppl have been reading :] everytime i talk to random ppl they tell me... if you guys want to follow my blog or comment you need to have a GMAIL account ;] if not its fine, just keep letting me know ur reading <3

the day my momma gave birth.

the reason for my title? um.... i dont want to claim my birthday. At first was because i dont like the fact that my age will no longer end with TEEN...which means im that much closer to becoming 30!!! D:  < me yelling.
but now it is the fact that i cannot celebrate my bday the way i had planned. I have to stay home. . .Right now my pms is getting to me and so i almost wana say i wana just stay in bed all day....but iknow thats not guna happen. my 18th bday and this bday are the worst ever ....so far. small arguement with the stupid other half AGAIN. and of course i made it bigger thanks to pms. well i think? i will determine that tmrw morning. He better surprise me in order for me to think it was the pms. we have the most arguements on my damn period its not even funny. off of lil things. gahh. horrible. he learned to deal w it tho lol. anyways screw that butthead. cant sleep....but obviously daisy (my little poodle) can! i kept hearing her scratch on my parents bed cos she wanted UP since she jumped down to bark her little ass off at who knows what but my parents are knocked out so she had no way of getting up there so she tiptoed into my room and came into bed with me. AND NOW SHE IS SNORING louder then a guy!! no lie. way to use me daisy!! lol okay. till later today.! (:

12:30pm... ive concluded i really dont wna claim my bday. . .i dont even want anyone coming over. & thats the truth. Not even goin on fb cos i dnt want to see the bday wishes. going to take my meds and sleep this day off.

2:40 pm . . .well i guess my frown is upside down!!:D i finally decided to take to vicodin and get some rest because my foot and arm are throbbing once again....it didnt make a difference then taking one. anyways as i was finally drifting into phase one of dreaming my house fone kept ringing...it never rings twice cos we dont use it unless its an important call. THEN i heard the dogs barking and i finally got up and heard my name and an edibles truck outside. i didnt even bother to look at myself in the mirror for one out of two reasons 1) i was so excited 2) i knew i looked so bad that i wasnt guna look any better within a few seconds as if i had both arms... lol... so i go out there and the guy was nice and walked twords me seeing i was crippled lol..of course guys will hit on anything plus i guess im not that bad looking even if i look crappy lol..but yeah idk maybe he was just being extra nice. maybe i was suppose to give him a tip? whoops. sorry kid. im jobless right now anyways. so thank u verrrry much tia and uncle john and thefambam :) it really did put a smile on my face right now. and my goodness are they DELICIOUS !! i never seen such BIG BRIGHT RED strawberries!! my fone camera sucks so u cant tell here but ill post the pic :D yay! i really wish i didnt have to share (i dont but i will) ill allow my mom to have ONE and brendon ....grr i guess ill give him ONE.thank u again tia u hit the jackpot!!!

i know ; jealous right? hehe

Day Seven.

well today was such a good day. Im saying it as if im writing this right before bed bcos my day is pretty much over now that im home doing nothing lol. I got picked up to school and all my classmates were worried and asked questions. Then i turn around and they bring me cupcakes & flowers for my bday and a get well card. i teared up that a few tears rolled down my cheek but they went away and i smiled. i was just happy to be out the house and around people who were concered. My amazing teacher did my burn dressing and let me just saay that i hope one day im as good of a nurse as she is. She is so educated and experienced, she knew the equipment she needed and what she could and could not do. it was also nice having someone who knew how to do the wrapping that didnt make me feel like i was ugly for it. she told me things to expect that the doctors hadnt told me. she also put a pretty purple wrap thing around it with smiles.. and while she was wrapping me up margarita did a dinosaurs braid on me cos my hair was in a funny bun that i had did...she said she would come over my house to do my hair lol im guessing my hair looked really bad and i told her my mom doesnt do hair.

sooooo then i get dropped off by my friend Keri to find myself locked out!!! i left my keys in my room -___-
so luckily my other half found a ride and him and his good friend saved my day lol..when he got there he kissed me as if he hadnt seen me in days. . or maybe i kissed him like that. idk our lips locking together hadnt felt so good...heres the pics! (:
                                                               process of taking off gauze

                                                              

                                                          before being cleaned.

                                                 thats my gangster teacher :b

                                                        oouchh

                                                           after being cleaned,,

                                 my index finger and thumb& palm havent been debreted yet bcos its not ready

                                                            teacher being extra clean

                                                           my foot. . .cant wait to get a peddi

a dozen hot pink roses from my classmates: BEAUTIFUL

          best cupcakes EVERR!! sorry i forgot to take the pic before there were being gobbled down hehe . .       .arnt my classmates the best; and yes i cried a lil SO WAT dont judge me lol <3 :D

Getting ready for my day

well its day seven, that got me a little confused though beacause it hasnt been a week yet. but my days started from day one the incident. not 24 hours. . .if that makes sense? maybe you can understand if you look at a calander, it happened april21.
ok so anyways, today im up quiet early. i fell asleep around 10:30...the earliest in years! on a positive note: the bags under my eyes i have been trying to get rid of for months have dissapepared within a few days!!! lol.
.
alrite so im trying to clean my room although i get very exhausted fast and my foot and arm throb from pain due to them not staying elevated. i walk worse then a lil old ladie.My step dad is a big jerk; he was upset yesterday bcos i didnt clean the house and he used to clean when he had hip replacement surgery. well excuse me sir but im a girl with one arm and one leg. try cleaning without using ur left foot to walk and without using ur right arm. its alot different. . believe it or not.

today im going to class to let my teacher demonstrate how to change a burn dressing. . .i will slap anyone who makes comments with my hand that i have learned to use as my GOOD hand lol....no serious.

 i will post pics after of my arm nd foot.

quick thing about the boyfriend: i was reading my last post where i was talking all about him. ignore how depressed i sound or how much of a jerk i made him look. that was the PMS talking. it wasnt even 12 hrs that he ignored me. and i was being a bitch to him so he didnt wana make it worse...he apologized twice. . .the last one being sincere. . ok toodles everyone, i gota tryyy to attempt to get ready....changing and make up will take double the time!!

God answers prayers.

so alot of people have told me theyve been keeping me in theyre prayers, , ,an old friend fuchsia left me a nice wall post on my fb along with a few others. . .so all those prayers God must have listened  to bcos i felt my spirits lifting again . . .PLUS my friend Margarete came by and brought me a get well card and earings.

thank u everyone, i love u all.

ps its very hard making a sandwich with one hand!!!! lol and for some reason i HAD to have avocado with it! so picture lil ol me cutting up an avocado with my left hand well using my right elbow to hold the avocado in place lol

 

i looove the card, thanks love <3

Sixth Day. . .[thoughts of him. . .]

well i dont have to go to the docs today. THANK GOD. the nurse also did a very good job at doing my dressing..so it looks like i dont have to re-do it. last night i didnt go to bed till about 2am. . .still thinking i was going to get a call or text from my boyfriend...then i thought "okay hes going to show up and surprise me". . . NOPE. nada zip, not a damn thing. okay maybe the last thing i had texted him upset him but he gets butthurt too easily. i can never voice my opinion unless im there infront of him repeating myself for him to understand me. but still, that is no reason for him not to AT LEEEAST text me to check up on me. for all he knows i could of got staff infection or an anxiety attack. im surprised i havent had one already. . .this is the first time  me being depressed over something other then a boy! i was depressed twice in my life. cos of a relationship. not cool. i was young and allowed myself to do that. now im just depressed cos im a crippled. i still try to keep myself happy but its hard when the one i love ,whom i thought loved me enough to put his pride away and whom i thought was also my bff, is paying absolutly no attention to me, he knows what to say and do to cheer me up...and hes not doing it. damn when two people get married part of the vows say "through sickness and in health". . .he cant even practice that after 5 1/2 yrs. . .kinda scary. idk if hes trying to teach me a lesson but its not working, its making me grow madder and madder twords him...and if he thinks hes going to act like this till my bday on thursday he better think twice. . .cos he will just ruin it more then it already is by just showing up after all these days.

5pm: well i feel like i have to add onto todays blog. after yelling at each other one the fone and him acting like a jerk he apologized. . .were so much alike but also soooo verrrry different. . .the difference btwn our relationship and everyone elses is that we understand that and we dont break up for any little thing. . .we eventually tlk it thru and move passed it,,,the way we see it is we love each other we know were going to get back together if we break up so why do it. besides im hard to deal wit right now being crippled and on my period....made me real depressed. . .but i felt myself getting happy right before he apologized, , ,

Day Five.

well it seems like my positive attitude is long gone out the window. i just want to stay away from talking to ppl on the fone or txtin but i feel bad cos i know theyre just worried. what upsets me? that all the people who call and personally msg me are ppl i dont talk to much. Not once has a friend came over my house, i havent got a get well card, i havent recieved a call from my "bestfriend" and now my bf isnt calling or txting me asking how im doing. i find myself calling him....and he calls me selfish. idk i guess i really do believe theres going to be issues...hes not going to want to come spend the weekend with me meaning hes going to go out w his friends...thats fine but damn wat about me? i wud spend my weekends home w him,,, ugh, idk me bein on my period is brining me dwn more i guess....cos he was there for me alot and whenever he is here w me he helps me more then anyone else.

ANYWAYS i went to the docs today, , ,
they peeled off all the burnt skin. . .the process didnt hurt so bad only when she came upon some stubborn skin that just did not want to come off so she left it, she bursted some off the blisters that were ready,,,yucky yellow fluid POURED out. I wanted to cry cos after my skin just looked like a piece of meat at the grocery store!  and growing up i was taught NOT to peel off ur scabs. but these arent scabs i have to remind myself; its BURNT SKIN. after sitting there watching [i have to be used to it if im going to be working in that field] the air started burning it...i regretted not listening to my mom and taking painkillers.
my left foot got worse to me...well the pain did. yesterday it was hurting so today i found out why. it was swollen and red and so fat it looked like an elephants foot! they said the redder the flesh the better that means the skin is being formed.

now im at home...just took a small nap..but it still burns so i took vicodin and ima be goin to bed!

lights out.

well its 10:40 and after a hectic emotional day; i managed to lay in bed with a smile...in pain, but still smiling. with my step pops being so childish sometimes and always being in a mood to give lectures or throw low blows it gets kind of irritating, then mom being too much like me we get irritated with each other. . .reminds me why im never home. . .my better half ended up coming over and thankfully lightened up my mood. we have that relationship where we know each other so well, but not until this accident did i realize just how much he knows me. i love having a sense of security with him. i just realized today though, that i know theyres going to be some issues the next month and a half or so. . .u know, me not being able to drive, him not driving. . .i cant force him to come over every weekened, but iknow its going to hurt him going out having fun while im stuck at home bored with burns :/

God please help me. . .

So hot I caught on fire !

well its been 3 days since i burned myself. damn, only 3 days? well since i just started this new blog today ill write about what happened.

it happened so fast i dont really remember details. it was a deep small pan with about an inch of oil. i hadnt dried the pan so it was a little wet... i started cutting the potatoes and apparently i hadnt lowered the stove. for some reason i turned to look at the stove, and i seen about a foot long fire about to reach the top of the stove fan. it wasnt my house & was scared of burning down the kitchen. i grabbed the pan and moved it so fast that the oil spilt all over me causing a quick flame to transfer onto my right arm, at that second i through the pan which then made oil spill on my left foot. i ran to the back restroom crying and once i saw my arm i yelled. it looked as bad as it felt but of course we never picture our own skin being melted off. at first joseph thought i had just burned myself a little but when he seen my arm and heard me yell he helled me and let me yell un his shoulder...he stayed strong cos i was weak. i didnt even put my hand in cold water bcos i didnt know wat was going to make it hurt more. i dont have regular insurance so i didnt want a medic coming thanks to this stupid ass insurance issue this damn government has, i didnt want a huge bill. so my bby and his momma drove all the way to watts!!! meanwhile my mother in law was crying in the back seat insisting on calling my mother , joe finally gave her his fone and she called my mom crying..my mom then left work from coasta mesa and met us there..when i got there they didnt hesitate to take me in...they cooled it out with sterile water bcos reg water has clorine and it would burn. after about 4 1/2 hrs, 4 Tylenol #3's & i believe a morphine shot, i was finally out.

day#2 i had to return so they can change my dressing.....and just like i knew i felt, i had huuuge blisters!! at first i wanted to cry but i had my bf w me to keep my spirits up nd keep positive.

day#3 was yesterday i FINALLY toook a body shower,,,, kinda hard to do it w only my right foot being the only limb NOT burned. mom had to do it for me. . .kinda embarrassing but i just laughed it off still trying to keep my spirits up.

day#4 [easter] it finally hit me today. . . this morning mom nd pops woke me up to go to easter breakfast. . .i got up couldnt even do my hair....couldnt change my own bra; and i saw it was raining so i  wanted to put a long sleeve but couldnt find one big enough to let my arm go through. . .ThEN i couldnt find any shoes other then ghetto white slippers. . .so i finally gave up and stayed home.... i finally broke dwn nd cried but stoped...im not like before; i hate showing my tears due to ppl thinking i want there damn sympathy.
 so my momma brought me breakfast. pops changed my dressing since one of the blisters poped on its own a little... i walk w a limp due to my burn on my foot. i can barley do anything! it sucks. now i just found out my bf isnt going to come over...which kinda upsets me just cuz im always going over there, but i guess i gota deal w it; he helped me alot thru this. . .i just needed his support today since its a bad day for me....oh AND i started my period :"( FMD [fuck my day] anyways ill post pics here for ppl who read my blog.PLZ follow. . if not ill just stop lol
                                             Day1: looks like a melted green olive

                                               Day:2 disgusting!!!

                                               day2 again: ouch :/

                                                   day:3 one blister bursted. . .

i cleaned it today but forgot to take pictures. . .  still looks kinda the same.

pan was as deeep and little as this...with a long handle nd it was silver... so the fire was all in there causing the sides to burn . . .they said the pan in the inside is now BLACK!

walked out smiling.