Sixth Day. . .[thoughts of him. . .]

well i dont have to go to the docs today. THANK GOD. the nurse also did a very good job at doing my dressing..so it looks like i dont have to re-do it. last night i didnt go to bed till about 2am. . .still thinking i was going to get a call or text from my boyfriend...then i thought "okay hes going to show up and surprise me". . . NOPE. nada zip, not a damn thing. okay maybe the last thing i had texted him upset him but he gets butthurt too easily. i can never voice my opinion unless im there infront of him repeating myself for him to understand me. but still, that is no reason for him not to AT LEEEAST text me to check up on me. for all he knows i could of got staff infection or an anxiety attack. im surprised i havent had one already. . .this is the first time  me being depressed over something other then a boy! i was depressed twice in my life. cos of a relationship. not cool. i was young and allowed myself to do that. now im just depressed cos im a crippled. i still try to keep myself happy but its hard when the one i love ,whom i thought loved me enough to put his pride away and whom i thought was also my bff, is paying absolutly no attention to me, he knows what to say and do to cheer me up...and hes not doing it. damn when two people get married part of the vows say "through sickness and in health". . .he cant even practice that after 5 1/2 yrs. . .kinda scary. idk if hes trying to teach me a lesson but its not working, its making me grow madder and madder twords him...and if he thinks hes going to act like this till my bday on thursday he better think twice. . .cos he will just ruin it more then it already is by just showing up after all these days.

5pm: well i feel like i have to add onto todays blog. after yelling at each other one the fone and him acting like a jerk he apologized. . .were so much alike but also soooo verrrry different. . .the difference btwn our relationship and everyone elses is that we understand that and we dont break up for any little thing. . .we eventually tlk it thru and move passed it,,,the way we see it is we love each other we know were going to get back together if we break up so why do it. besides im hard to deal wit right now being crippled and on my period....made me real depressed. . .but i felt myself getting happy right before he apologized, , ,